Where Have I Been?
I have been wallowing in pity and pain honestly.
Finding something positive everyday to keep me going through
DR visits, specialist appts, and work.
Between Dr changing meds for the fibromyalgia, migraines (part of fibro),
and many other crappy side effects including anxiety, depression...
I thought I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I have tried every med
out there but my body and brain likes build up a very quick immunity to it all.
I have tried alternate methods, even yes Lowell marijuana. Even though the
creativity was awesome on it, it made me into a sloth, and made my memory worse.
So I quit that 3 weeks ago. My husband brought my MOM to back to live with
us to help out around the house and back and forth to the doctor appts. Yes Renee I try to have humor over her being back, and Dad is still laughing at me probably on the bench next to you.
Then "The Wizard" yes the psychologist and my family physician "Toto" said -
"Just enjoy your life one day at a time, stop trying to be wonder woman she doesn't exist". Yes not in the same exact words but along the same lines of expression. One good thing that most do not have they told me is I always keep trying and most do not bother.
So I thought about what I do have 1 magnificent husband who I love and takes good care of me. 7(bio,adopted,and step) wonderful kids in their own unique way. 1 awesome Lil grandson who will be 2 and have his trachea out this April. 1 wonderful son in law, and one amazing daughter in law.A daughter living with Pancreatitus and been in and out of hospital for cyst on the pancreas. 1 perfect bf (OK he has days but he has been my bf since I was 12 and I love him all the same). I have home I love because it is mine. I have job who has been awesome to me and patient with being sick. A mom ( who is just like the MOM from everybody loves Raymond) but she is here with me.
And I have Lowell who keeps checking on me...aka Snowbrush. I do read his blogs but not always comment. Snow blind unconditional friendship is rare thank buddy I love you.
I think about all the ppl I have known or known who have dealt with worse and still fought even when they didn't feel like it anymore. Renee, Dee, Linda, Dad, and every military personnel who gave there life or fight right now. I think of my daughter and daughter in law who fights discrimination everyday being a lesbian and just want to love each other and have respect. My son who lived through bullying his whole life in school. My BF who kicked coke and alcohol addiction. My sister in law who fought MRSA and lived losing 3x2 section of skin in her 60's and awake and saying she will be home soon. My grandson born with disabilities running and talking when it was thought he might not.
So here I am back with what made me happy, doing my art, and blogging. I may not be consistent but I'm trying. I missed my therapy and yes blogging is therapy. It may not always be art...it may just BS but its my BS.
xoxoxoxSONIAxoxoxox
PS- The pic above is my Middle daughter Kiley taken by my oldest daughter Sheeanna. Sheeanna's photography has taken off.
Renee our girl is soaring and she gives us ( U and Us her family) the credit for inspiring her passions.
